i get really happy when it’s not me who starts the conversation because that removes so much anxiety about whether i’m bothering the person or if they secretly hate me even if i know that’s not true
fishingboatproceeds: the-blog-of-anne-frank: I just realized that “pun intended” is a pun on “unintended” and I’m literally about to gouge my eyes out I’m so angry This. Changes. Everything.
wimpynoodle: I’M NOT EVEN GOOD AT THINGS I’M GOOD AT
pizza: rockandkrull: pizza: i don’t understand why parents say ‘i’m very disappointed in you’ like i don’t care i’m very disappointed that mcdonalds doesn’t deliver but u don’t hear me complaining about it actually in new york they deliver so whats your excuse i live in australia and im 103% sure they don’t deliver from new york to australia so whats YOUR excuse for leaving a shitty...
buttspectre: why would you want to be an offensive stereotype for Halloween when u can be this
captainmoi: George R.R. Martin can’t tweet because he’s killed off all 140 characters
hoflords: Eurovision is actually a big deal because after we spent 1000 years killing each other we’ve decided to put our weapons aside and dazzle each other with our ridiculous singing performances, nice Russian grannies and gay Romanian draculas.
toukos: toukos: if the uk get more than 20 pts this year i’ll shave my hair off ok shit
I tell my piano the things I used to tell you.– Frédéric Chopin (via armonioso)
gothlolita: im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names
chickensandwich: foxnewsofficial: let’s have *** (Uncensored for adults) lets have egg
zacharieforpresident: zacharieforpresident: hey guys remember these things i just lost a follower
morristibbs: let me explain u a thing bisexuality does not mean two sexualities it means two genders you are attracted to you don’t have two sexualities that just alternate you are always bi someone who is bi doesnt switch between straight and gay they are always bi they just may be currently dating a man but they are still bi bisexuality does not mean two sexualities in case u missed...
gorgeousdarren: when you forget capslock is on and google something really aggressively by accident
hipsterinatardis: Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you’re in.
Teacher: Name one life-changing event
Me: Finding out about alt+reblog
I once dated a writer and
Writers are forgetful, but they remember everything. They forget appointments and anniversaries, but remember what you wore, how you smelled, on your first date… They remember every story you’ve ever told them - like ever, but forget what you’ve just said. They don’t remember to water the plants or take out the trash, but they don’t forget how to make you laugh. Writers are...
Maybe if your dick was thicker than your goddamn eyebrows we wouldn’t be having...– Gay couple arguing outside Walmart (via dacelio)
fuckyeahfeminists: dansolomon: stupidoldishlikelettersandsodas: MY NIECE JAEDYN AMARI EMERSON OF BRANDEIS HIGH SCHOOL IN SAN ANTONIO HAS BEEN MISSING SINCE LAST NIGHT. SHE IS 15 AND WAS LAST SEEN WEARING SHORTS AND A TUBE TOP. HER AUNT TALKED TO HER AT 5 30 THIS MORNING. PLEASE CALL MY MOTHER, HER GRANDMOTHER, CHERYL EMERSON AT 210 445-6120 IF YOU SEE OR SPEAK TO HER. Oh, jesus. Please...
shavingryansprivates: can you imagine what it would be like if we all lived within like a 5 mile radius of each other can you imagine how many fistfights there would be